I haven't updated in a very long time....because, quite frankly, there has been nothing interesting to report. I'm still sick. I have days that are better than others, but I have to take my pain meds every 3-4 hours during the day or the pain is horrible. I don't like having to take pain medication and over time it becomes less effective and I have to change it or up the dosage. My goal is to be off of all meds one day. No pain meds, no antibiotics, no sleep meds...nothing. At that point, I will be one happy camper. I am still seeing Dr. S in Houston. She has been monitoring my CD 57. Due to my lyme brain, I can't remember what it was last time...lol. But it has not gotten over 60 yet. My next appointment is 7/15, so we will see how that goes. I'm still feeling like a failure of a mom and wife. My husband doesn't have the wife that loves to go out anymore. I much prefer lying on the couch with my family and laughing at goofy shows. The arthritis in my left foot makes heels next to impossible to wear. I'm not as pretty as I was. I have gained weight. I want to work out, but finding the energy is next to impossible. Plus I'm having a new area of bad pain. My right shoulder. Ugh. I am pretty sure my marriage won't last if I don't get better soon. Luckily my kids are old enough to be pretty independent. I feel bad that I don't cook as much as I used to. I am going to try to work part time. I got a job as a veterinary assistant and I am thrilled. I start next week. I hope my Lyme doesn't sabotage this opportunity. If it goes okay, I might try to get certified as a vet technician. We will see. I worked as a long-term substitute from January to April this year. It was an amazing experience. As long as I was on my meds, I felt really good. I think working kept my mind of my condition, so the depression stayed under control. Let's hope my new job does the same..... Hope all of my fellow lymies are doing well.

Somebody Else's Wonderful Words

To all my fellow lyme (or chronic pain) sufferers. Please read this article and tell me if it makes you feel as good as it did me.  It sounds like a great way of living/thinking.

Doing the Right Thing When the Wrong Thing Happens (via inspiremetoday.com)

We have all heard the phrase Life isn’t fair. Some of us who have read the Bible are familiar with the story of Job. In the Book of Job, Job is presented as a family man who lives a good and prosperous life, but is eventually beset with horrendous…

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Ferraris and Roses

Feeling Guilty

How do I prove to my husband that I'm truly wanting to get better? He's been there for me, taken me to doctors, picked up prescriptions, and more.  He's tired of me not feeling up to doing fun stuff.  I don't want him to think I am using Lyme as an excuse to not go out with him.  It's so hard to explain this pain and fatigue to anyone.  I hate it.

I'm starting a new antibiotic tonight or tomorrow.  Pray I see results soon....

Do You Really Think I WANT To Feel Like Crap?!?

   

  

I think the world thinks I'm lazy.  

It wouldn't bother me if it weren't for my children. I honestly don't want them to resent me when I'm gone because I didn't have the energy to be a good mom. I never dreamed that at 44 years old, one hour of shopping at the mall would leave me feeling drained, feverish, and in pain.  I never would have thought that I would not feel like going to Target or Michaels or even Petsmart (my favorite stores) most days because it hurts too much.  Driving wears me out.  Going out to dinner is exhausting.  I truly am "a bore".

But, dammit! It's not because I want to feel this way!!! It's not me just wanting to be a blob! I have so much I want to do in this life! I love photography. I want to teach again. I want to do crafts, bake, and learn to use my new sewing machine.  I want to get my masters degree. I want to travel.  I want to exercise. I want to go to lunch with friends.

I want my life to be normal!

I have decided that I am going to start back up on my antibiotics.  I think the next one I'm supposed to take is an injection, but screw it! I'll do it if it gives me even the slightest edge on this stupid Lyme Disease!

I'm not lazy! I'm infected with Lyme.  Please understand that.....

Distractions From Pain

Games are such a good distraction for me.  I love games like Words With Friends and Matching With Friends that keep my mind busy, but I have to say that sometimes mindless games are even better.  Draw Something is such a hoot! I suck at drawing, but love laughing at my crazy pictures. It's a fun game if you haven't tried it.

Just sayin.....

Change

So I'm not sure I am doing the right thing, but I am desperate. I have decided to stop antibiotics for now.  I'm tired of herxing and my marriage is suffering.  I figure I can't get much worse.  I want to be able to be a good wife, mom, stepmom, sister, daughter, and friend again. I'm none of those right now.

This is day 3 of no abx and my only symptoms that are new are sharp ear pain (left ear-along with dizziness and left temple pain), bad allergies, and random twitches over my right eyebrow.  The allergies seem to flare up every time I go off antibiotics...which is strange to me.  The ear pain is probably a little ear infection, but oddly enough my daughter has the SAME pain and symptoms in her ear too. Odd.

I'll update more this week.  School starts tomorrow and I'm ready to get back to a "normal" schedule.