Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Feeling Guilty

How do I prove to my husband that I'm truly wanting to get better? He's been there for me, taken me to doctors, picked up prescriptions, and more.  He's tired of me not feeling up to doing fun stuff.  I don't want him to think I am using Lyme as an excuse to not go out with him.  It's so hard to explain this pain and fatigue to anyone.  I hate it.

I'm starting a new antibiotic tonight or tomorrow.  Pray I see results soon....

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Do You Really Think I WANT To Feel Like Crap?!?



I think the world thinks I'm lazy.  

It wouldn't bother me if it weren't for my children. I honestly don't want them to resent me when I'm gone because I didn't have the energy to be a good mom. I never dreamed that at 44 years old, one hour of shopping at the mall would leave me feeling drained, feverish, and in pain.  I never would have thought that I would not feel like going to Target or Michaels or even Petsmart (my favorite stores) most days because it hurts too much.  Driving wears me out.  Going out to dinner is exhausting.  I truly am "a bore".

But, dammit! It's not because I want to feel this way!!! It's not me just wanting to be a blob! I have so much I want to do in this life! I love photography. I want to teach again. I want to do crafts, bake, and learn to use my new sewing machine.  I want to get my masters degree. I want to travel.  I want to exercise. I want to go to lunch with friends.

I want my life to be normal!

I have decided that I am going to start back up on my antibiotics.  I think the next one I'm supposed to take is an injection, but screw it! I'll do it if it gives me even the slightest edge on this stupid Lyme Disease!

I'm not lazy! I'm infected with Lyme.  Please understand that.....