It has been a horrible couple of days. My pain level has been a 10 plus. I'm taking 2 pain pills a day and feeling guilty about it. I hate that. Why should I feel guilty for wanting a couple of hours of being able to function? I get so tired of hearing people talk about how dangerous pain meds are. Honestly, I think it is much more dangerous for me to feel nonstop pain all day long. It has been almost an entire year and I miss my old life!
My left big toe is getting worse. It now pops loudly when I move it. It's painful and actually freaks me out a bit. I definitely can't wear shoes still. My knees hurt a lot more than they used to as well. My middle back aches if I go too long without resting and it's been difficult to keep some of my fingers straight lately. (ugh)
My skin is a mess and I have progressively gotten more and more into the habit of picking it. It's dry and flakey and I pick it when I'm not thinking about it (ie while I'm reading/driving/editing photos). I'm pretty disgusted with myself.
So, yeah, my quality of life is pretty miserable. I want to be a good mom and wife, but I feel as if it's not happening. I go back to the rheumy in a week. I'm not sure what is going to happen, but I figure an adjustment or change in meds is probably in my future. I am terrified of methotrexate, but I will try anything at this point.
I hate complaining, but I need to vent. It's either vent or bawl my eyes out....
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