Thursday, July 8, 2010

Quality of Life

It has been a horrible couple of days. My pain level has been a 10 plus. I'm taking 2 pain pills a day and feeling guilty about it. I hate that. Why should I feel guilty for wanting a couple of hours of being able to function? I get so tired of hearing people talk about how dangerous pain meds are. Honestly, I think it is much more dangerous for me to feel nonstop pain all day long. It has been almost an entire year and I miss my old life!

My left big toe is getting worse. It now pops loudly when I move it. It's painful and actually freaks me out a bit. I definitely can't wear shoes still. My knees hurt a lot more than they used to as well. My middle back aches if I go too long without resting and it's been difficult to keep some of my fingers straight lately. (ugh)

My skin is a mess and I have progressively gotten more and more into the habit of picking it. It's dry and flakey and I pick it when I'm not thinking about it (ie while I'm reading/driving/editing photos). I'm pretty disgusted with myself.

So, yeah, my quality of life is pretty miserable. I want to be a good mom and wife, but I feel as if it's not happening. I go back to the rheumy in a week. I'm not sure what is going to happen, but I figure an adjustment or change in meds is probably in my future. I am terrified of methotrexate, but I will try anything at this point.

I hate complaining, but I need to vent. It's either vent or bawl my eyes out....



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

7 comments:

  1. Methotrexate helps MANY people with rheuma, Beth Anne. Your doctor will monitor you closely while you're taking it so if it looks like your body is having a problem with it, he/she can get you off it quickly. If it works for you (and it might) your quality of life will improve immensely.

    As for the pain meds -- TAKE them when you need them and don't let anyone give you any guff for it. They've been prescribed by your doc to help you cope with the rheuma pain; the prescription is monitored and so are you as you take the pills. That's all anyone needs to know. They should be GLAD you have an effective weapon in your arsenal against this disease. Please know, too, that you're not alone in having to defend yourself as you take pain meds. We all go through it to some degree. Check out RA Superb*tch's latest post (you'll find her on my blogroll at RheumaBlog).

    I hope you'll be feeling better soon, but in the meantime, chin up and chest out. You're a strong, determined woman and you have a whole community out here in the blogosphere, cheering you on. We've got your back, Beth Anne. :o)
    -Wren

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  2. Oh, and by the way -- I love your new blog template! It's really pretty!
    -Wren

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  3. Has anyone tested you for lupus or lyme disease. I have lupus but have not tested positive for the one specific test (ana) more than once. I keep throwing high cpk & sed rates and along with all my other symptoms, we know I have Lupus and RA and Polyarthritis. I feel your pain in your words. I too get sores in my ears, nose, mouth and on my scalp and it's the most unattractive feeling in the world. Just keep looking at the illness honestly, be honest about it when it affects you. Prayers go up for you. Hugs Tazzy

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  4. I get sores in my mouth but its from the steroids I'm finding out. I take Methotrexate every week, once a week 8 tabs. I started out on four and worked up to 8. I also take folic acid to aid the liver in processing the metho.

    And quit feeling guilty about being in pain. No one is going to understand what we go through unless they go through it too. I describe it to them as feeling flu symptoms 24/7, with a torn ligament thrown in. Sometimes they get it. Most don't.

    Hugs. Hang in there, your doc will find the right med cocktail for you.

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  5. Don't feel bad about taking pain medication. That's what it's for. Two a day is NOT overdoing it, by far. If you're not exceeding the amount specified on the label, you're not overdoing it. And if you are taking more then the amount on the label, your dose needs to be raised.

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  6. As soon as my new hip is fully healed I'm going on Meth as well. I've decided to try it, I don't want knee replacements. Two hips is quite enough for me. I've not been allowed to take any rheumy meds until now so I'm a bit of a mess too. Pain killers, yup...if it works for you take them. I do...ciao

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  7. Hi there, first time on your blog and feel compelled to write. Please don't be afraid of Methotrexate! I have RA and started MTX in pills but couldn't tolerate some GI issues. I was switched to MTX by injection and asked if I could give them to myself (being used to giving insulin myself, figured it was no biggie). My medical isurance won't even cover the MTX injectable because it's considered an administered medication. Needless to say I was TERRIFIED to do it...but I did anyway. Living with a chronic disease or pain condition etc. this is probably all of our mantras, if at all possible,DO IT ANYWAY :)Anyhoo...scared as I was with all of the terrible thoughts of injecting a toxic substance and the likes, turned out to be no big deal and I REALLY did start feeling better after awhile. I'm still on MTX injections and Enbrel...not doing awesome but definitely better that I was. So best of luck to you, my heart truly goes out to you and I hope you will soon have a definitive diagnoses and the proper treatment!

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